Positive and Negative Feelings. Talking about positive emotions, like happiness or friendship, or negative, such as hatred, is to accept that both positivity or negativity exists.
It looks like “positive” emotions are good, so you must feel them, and “negative” emotions are bad, so you must not feel them. I don’t think there’s a list of banned feelings anywhere…
The problem, rather than to feel such emotions, is when these emotions take over us. The problem is not feeling hatred (which is good to trigger some mechanisms of defense or attack), but feeling nothing more than hatred.
When we ban ourselves to feel the emotions we are having, they remain trapped inside us, like a sparkling drink in a shaken bottle; when the cap is pulled, everything becomes a mess. So what can we do? The answer, as always, starts by legitimizing all your feelings.
When we hate, maybe we can think about some unsatisfied needs. Something that we wanted, but we are not achieving. We can also think about the benefits of feeling the way we feel. If we then stop and listen to our feelings, maybe we’ll notice what they are trying to tell us, and maybe we can start thinking about managing these feelings, just like slowly opening a bottle. And maybe then we realize that we can say or do something different, which can lead to different emotions.
Joy, anger, hatred, love, all of them often knock on our door, and it is useless to turn the ringer off, just to pretend they are not there. Do attend all of them as they deserve, because they have come to tell you something. But be aware: if you take good care of them, if they feel comfortable, they could stay for a long time…
The way to a better you entails some training on your emotional side. And, as always, the more you practice, the easier it will be. As your life coach at BeYou, I am ready to guide you through the training process.
What feelings do you take care of, so that they stay?
Which ones are still knocking on the door?